Breaking Free from Perfectionism & People-Pleasing

Two struggles I see come up again and again in women — and ones I’ve lived myself — are perfectionism and people-pleasing. And let me tell you, I refuse to pass either of these patterns onto my daughter.

Where It Comes From

For many of us, these habits didn’t just appear out of nowhere. They often stem from growing up in a chaotic and unpredictable environment. When you’re a child who has to “read the room” — the tone of voice, the energy, the subtle shifts — just to gauge if you’re safe, your nervous system wires itself for survival, not ease.

As an adult, that can look like:

• Trying to control everything around you

• Putting others’ needs before your own

• Equating approval with safety

Your body doesn’t recognize calm as safe — so you keep over-giving, over-performing, and over-perfecting.

Naming the Wound

The first step is acknowledging how deeply unfair it was to be treated that way as a child. For me, that looked like naming my emotions. On the surface, I carried anger. But underneath? A deep sadness — sadness that I wasn’t protected, celebrated, or seen for the special little girl I was, especially by the people I craved it from the most.

Why I’m Sharing This

This isn’t a sob story. I’m writing this because I want to empower you. I want to show you how to reparent your inner child, so you don’t unconsciously pass these patterns onto your kids.

If you avoid this work, your children will inherit what wasn’t theirs to carry. But if you stop here, with you — healing can ripple through generations.

It’s Time to Choose You

Perfectionism and people-pleasing aren’t noble traits. They’re a silent form of self-sabotage. They keep you small, exhausted, and disconnected from your true self. So here’s my reminder: You don’t have to earn love by being perfect. You don’t have to disappear into pleasing others to be worthy.

4 Ways to Start Breaking Free

If this resonates with you, here are a few gentle steps you can start today:

1. Pause Before Saying “Yes.” When someone asks something of you, check in: Do I really want this, or am I saying yes out of fear of disappointing them?

2. Let “Good Enough” Be Enough. Notice when you’re obsessing over small details. Practice finishing the task without perfecting it — and remind yourself it’s safe to release.

3. Name Your Feelings Daily. Perfectionists and people-pleasers often bury emotions. Try journaling or simply saying: “I feel ___ right now.” It builds self-awareness and safety.

4. Offer Your Inner Child Reassurance. Place a hand on your heart and say: “You’re safe now. You don’t have to earn love.” This reprograms your nervous system over time.

   
   

Let It Stop With You

You have the power to rewrite the story — for yourself and for the generations after you.

I’ve got your back, babe.

Love,

Hope, a recovered perfectionist and people-pleaser